User Options

It's so easy to destroy or break someones heart, but it's stronger when it's finaly healed...

(online status
not displayed)
Name:   black-white_dreamerRanking:   --
Birthday:   1992-03-22Country:   Netherlands
Joined:   2008-01-27Location:   behind my computer
Posts:   0 comments
Uploads:   4 graphics 
Name:   black-white_dreamer
Birthday:   1992-03-22
Joined:   2008-01-27
Location:   behind my computer
Uploads:   4 graphics 
Hellow Coowl People..

Well, My name is Cynthia, a stupid name, but LOL..
I was born on 22 March 1992, So I'm 16 years now.. XD.. Yeey
I live in the Netherlands, and never been outside Europe,
My only vacation outside Holland, was, well, Londen :P..
Ooo, I loved it there!.. Best time of my life..Really..

Well, but, People call me Emo, Other call me Punk. Well, I don't want to be Labelled! it's a bad thing and people have to stop!..
People don't know who someone is, what happened to them, and what their feeling are. They don't care about others feelings anymore.
If you hate me, I don't care, Haters make me famous ! Xd..

I'm a proud Milly,Avril,and other famous sluts - Hater
I'm proud of what I've become : Myself!
I'm poud of the fact I still have a Teddybear in my bed!
I'm a proud Hellokitty - lover
and I'm proud of being bisexual! Damn right!

but now, time for something really serious:
The story How a broken heart could be healed...

On march 22 1992, A little girl was born. Her parents were proud, didn't knew what she'd become...
She grew up, she was shy and insecure. She wasn't like the other ones. In her mind she was like... 5 years older.. She could learn very well, but couldn't make friends easely, because she thought different than the others. She never knew what was waiting for her.....

She was like 5 when her Brother began to assault her, and it stopped when she was like 12. A big secret, Her mother doesn't have to know. Her mother said everything for her, so she never learned to speak up for herself. She was scared to be close to anyone. So she locked herself up in her room. She started drawing. She doesn't know how or why, but it's something she's pretty good at. Well, she went to secondary school. Still that big secret, still no selfconvidence. In class she was the one who spoke no word, and never raised her hand. She learned and made her homework like the teashers wanted her to do. She was a smart girl, with a couple of talents. But she wasn't really welcome, she felt. She started to think she was too ugly and too fat, so she stopped eating, (gave others her own food). She thought she wasn't good enough to live, so she began to cut herself. She was alone, she didn't dare to come too close to anyone, ( exept for one, a sweetheart, the best friend ever, Nikita was her name,) but still she couldn't tell someone how she felt or what she was thinking. She kept it all to herself. The bullieing went on and she started to wair black, used make-up and listened to other music she liked more. People tried to change her, but she wouldn't let that happen. So she went her own way. More and more to herself. Till she met a boy, who gave her attention, she needed, it seemed. She went to his home and talked to him by phone. Her mother didn't have to know, she never knew what she wants, thought or liked..So now there were more secrets. In the beginning a hug or a kiss seemed to be harmless. But days went on, and he wanted more, Touching her Womanparts, also beneath her clothes. She didn't told him to stop or to back off, she just let it happen. She didn't want him to hate her(there was enough who did) or to be disapointed or mad, or just sad because she didn't wanted to do what he wanted. So every time she was with him, it went a little more to sex, still with clothes on. She didn't want to, but she couldn't say no. So, 4 days befor her 16th birthday Her heart was ripped apart and her virginity was over. He tried to rape her,But on a surten Moment, she had the power, enough to stop him. To push him away, and ran,though it couldn't be far enough.She felt dirty, and sad, confussed and missereble. She felt like a whore, a bitch a slut. When she looked at herself in a mirrow, it wasn't her anymore. Something changed. She couldn't cry, and smile either.She cuts herself more often, or when she was at school, she wrote with a pencil on her skin( her whole body was blue, except the parts that couldn't be hidden...) She hated herself, she couldn't look atherself anymore, and everything, everything reminded her of him and the day.
Now, A couple of months later, she hasn't forgot it, but she did overcome. Weeks after the day, Her best friend helped her, she stopped cutting herself, what was very difficult for her, she stopped writing and she stopped thinking about the past. Her friend showed her to live now and to the future, and not to be stuck in what happened. She told her friend, later what happened. She cried for her, real tears. and though is was the sadest time with her friend, she felt a big comfort.

She was at the darkside, but she made herself to the light.
Her friend helped her of course, but though she had to do it on her own.
She writes poems now, and songtexts and stories.
She plays guitar and she sings a little.
She draws the most beautifull pictures I ever saw.
She makes pictures off all the beutifull stuf she saw.
The only thing what has to change is the fact that she's:Lonely, unhappy,shy, insecure, introvert and scared...really scared.
(sometimes she sleeps with the lights on)
But that's not gonna change, cause, that's her, it's in too deep.

Please, Let this not happen again..
It's not right to take away someones viginity without his/her permission.
It's not right to let someone fight alone.
It's not right to suffer..
Let we try to make a difference,
Talk to someone who sits alone and looks sad
Try to listen what they say,
Try to be friend with him/her
so there's someone not really alone anymore...
Try to help others, stand with them in a fight.


Well, Some Love and hates:

I Lovve:

<3 My friends
<3 Music!
<3 Art
<3 Drawing and writing.. play music
<3 My camara, pretty pictures
<3 Hello Kitty
<3 Juwellery
<3 the colour black, and darkness
<3 The rainbow, and it's colours
<3 Butterflies and flowers
<3 Spiritual things
<3 Books, Books Books!!!!.. ( especially Twilight series!)
<3 the moon and stars
<3 My sweet little teddybear : Ocir.. he's my everything...
(Yeah! i'm 16 and still have a teddybear!.. I'm proud of
it ! I take him with me everywhere I go )

I Hate:

</3 Milly ,Avril, Paris and other famous bitshes!..
</3 to sleep,
</3 to dream
</3 Time
</3 Labels
</3 pleople who comid crimes, (stealing, abuse, assault,rape,
</3 happy music
</3 My room, it's too small
</3 to be me
</3 That I can't remember the things I truely hate..

Some of the Music<3 I listen:

Amber Pacific, Anouk, Bee gees, Billy talent, Blondie, bon jovi, Bonnie Taylor, Breaking benjamin, Chris Daughtry, Clannad, Counting crows, Culture Club, Delain, Elton John Enya, Epica, Escape the fate, Evenasence, Fleetwood Mac, Flyleaf, Fool’s Garden, Golden Earring, Good Charlotte, Hinder, Hoobastank, James Blunt, Joan Osborne, Jonas Brothers, Kim Wilde, Letters to Cleo, Linkin park, Lost prophets, Maroon 5, MxPx, Nightwish, Nena, One Republic, Panic at the disco, Papa roach, Paramore, Phil collins, Plumb, Saliva, Second hand serenade, Simple Plan, Sting, The Beatles, The Police, The Rasmus, Three days grace, Toto, Unwritten law, Within Temptation, Yellowcard...

It's not all, Ofcouse, This is, I think 4% of my Music list.. (and I have all the songs of every band.. O.o, No shock, I just love music, and listen music day in day out, Sometimes I even Sleep with music.. Yeah.. Lol.. But I'm not the only one I know for Sure!)
And you sure have realized, there are some older bands in my list.. And.. Yeah, You're right.. I love Old music, 70-80-90's Really.. I even have a Record player in my room, and ofcourse a lot of LP's.. Xd

Well, that's enough for now ;)
add me, I'll add you back

I love you people, even when you hate me already...
Kisses from me, and a big lovely, warm Hug!
oh btw : I'm from the netherlands, sow my writing is not that good..^^ I try to make the best off it.. so, don't blame me :(
and I'm new, and I finaly have some time to Make my own Stuff..!
So, soon there will be more...

black-white_dreamer's buddies:
Login or register to add black-white_dreamer as your friend!

User Comments

Add your comment

Please login or register to submit your comment.